Rowing is a sport about alignment and synchronization. The rowers respond to the coxswain’s commands. If one rower is creating too much drag with their oar or rowing at the wrong time, it creates friction as the boat moves through the water, slowing down the entire group.

A group of young men from sun-deprived Seattle didn’t have a lot of rowing experience. But the University of Washington students, who hailed from humble backgrounds, had heart and determination. And UW’s head coach Al Ulbrickson had a special knack for shaping and molding rowers’ raw athleticism into something more.

A key part of Ulbrickson’s strategy was to put together the best possible team that would set egos aside and work together. One person in the wrong position would hamper the team’s chances for success.

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Ulbrickson mixed and matched team members until he found the right combination. This wasn’t about simply finding the best rowers, but the best combination of rowers. The best combination of friends. Their mission, together, became “rowing as one.”

The perfect combination consisted of Bobby Moch at coxswain, Donald Hume at stroke, and Joe Rantz, George Hunt, Jim McMillin, Johnny White, Gordon Adam and Charles Day, with Roger Morris in the bow seat.

“This was a hardscrabble bunch, mentally and physically tough from years of manual labor and dogged perseverance,” the University of Washington wrote in a reflection of the team. “Ulbrickson declared them the Washington varsity eight. They would never lose a race together.”

The team was successful that season, winning the collegiate championship. Then they headed to the Olympic trials where they faced the top crews in the country. Somehow, some way, the University of Washington team won, earning them an invitation to the 1936 Olympic games which were held in Berlin.

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The UW team—facing crosswinds and choppy waters—struggled in the early going of the race. But the team kept rowing with a united goal: finish first. Driving. Pushing. Outsprinting other teams in perfect harmony. In the last stretch of the race, with the crowd noise deafening, they churned past the German team and caught the Italian rowers to take a lead with just 50 meters remaining. It was a race to the finish.

The final stretch.

The rowers’ oars glided through the water in unison, propelling the boat forward toward the finish line. Three boats, neck and neck.

The University of Washington team’s boat crossed the finish line first. Just one second separated the medals.

The boys in the UW boat were Olympic champions. Their story was later detailed in the book and movie The Boys in the Boat. It’s a story of resilience and what we can accomplish together when we put ego aside and come together as one, focusing on eliminating friction between you and your goal.

We all know of romantic relationships that fall apart because of misalignments. Maybe one partner wants children and the other doesn’t. Or one partner is a homebody and the other loves to go out and travel.

Misalignments are common in business relationships, too.

Misalignments reveal themselves in a number of ways: as friction, eroded trust, misunderstandings and unnecessary headaches. And a lot of times we have no idea how misaligned we truly are until it is too late.

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A 2023 study of strategic alignment among organizations found that participants were “largely optimistic” and thought agreement within their companies was 82% on average.

The twist? Actual internal alignment was only 23%.

By the time we find ourselves out of alignment, whether with a personal or business relationship, it can feel as though we are stuck in a downward spiral and incapable of turning things around. You feel yourself on edge whenever you encounter the other party, digging in for an adversarial exchange or walking on eggshells trying to avoid another fight.

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Or maybe you have past experience with vibrant relationships and want to see the current relationship follow suit. The relationship isn’t what you want it to be, but it’s not easy to uncover how to fix it.

Getting aligned again takes work. It requires you and your partner to take stock in what truly matters, address concerns, and find common ground instead of brushing issues under the rug.

Think of the best boss you’ve ever had. How did they allow you to shine? How much freedom did they give you to explore and test?

Daniel Pink popularized the concept of using autonomy to achieve better results in his successful book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. He described how a ROWE, a Results-Only Work Environment, encourages employees to get their work done without dictating how. “How they do it, when they do it, and where they do it is up to them.”

But how does a workplace perform without a manager, well, managing?

Multiple research papers reflect the fact that when workers are given autonomy they tend to have stronger job performance, higher job satisfaction and greater commitment to the organization. One such study links increased job autonomy with a 12% increase in worker satisfaction. And evidence indicates that autonomy is a key factor for the most satisfied employees.

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Practicing autonomy by consciously avoiding micromanagement is a key theme Stephen Covey addressed in his iconic book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Covey was a master at teaching the power of autonomy, often using a story from his own life. When Covey started traveling more frequently for work, he asked family members to step up and help out with household chores. Covey’s son, 7-year-old Stephen M.R. Covey, volunteered to take care of the family’s yard.

The elder Covey set the expectation for a what-not-how mantra: green and clean. “You’re free to do it any way you want, except paint it.” While giving Stephen autonomy to do the work, he did offer help.

The young Covey was eager to learn. “How would you do it, Dad?”

“I’d turn on the sprinklers. But you may want to use buckets or a hose. It makes no difference to me. All we care about is the color green. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Covey spent about two weeks teaching and coaching young Stephen before turning the job over to his son. Covey made a point to tell Stephen that by taking the job of doing the yard it would be his job. He would trust young Stephen to keep the yard green and clean. And little Stephen’s boss would be himself—not Dad. But if little Stephen needed help he could ask his dad.

A few days passed, and the young Stephen Covey was doing what boys do—playing instead of doing his chores. Simply put, the yard was not staying green and clean. But Covey resisted the urge to jump in and start barking orders. Instead, Covey recommended they walk around the yard together, as they’d agreed, to check on Stephen’s progress. Young Stephen grew upset as they began to walk outside and evaluated how well he had done.

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The dad gently referred back to their agreement; he would help if he had the time.

After a long pause, little Stephen timidly did ask his father for help. They got to work getting the lawn green and clean.

By giving his son freedom to care for the lawn whichever way he saw fit, Covey found a way to motivate his son to truly take ownership and embrace the work of maintaining the lawn. If Covey had drilled his son on how to do the work and mandated it be done a certain way, his son could easily become resentful about the task and less likely to make it his own.

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Covey’s “green and clean” lesson may seem quaint, but the spirit of it is just as relevant to big business as it is your backyard, and a “what-not-how” approach has helped transform lots of business relationships.

Years later, Stephen M.R. Covery reflected on his version of the story in an interview. “I was a 7-year-old boy. I didn’t know what those words meant [win-win agreements and stewardship delegation], but here’s what I knew as a 7-year-old: I felt trusted. I felt my father trusted me. I didn’t want to let him down.”

“Mind the gap” is a popular warning for rail passengers when moving between platforms, but it should also be a warning sign in your relationships. When trust has eroded in personal or business relationships, partners can find themselves worlds—and words—apart. The gap can feel insurmountable, as though you’re stretching and stepping beyond your comfort zone to maintain the relationship.

Think of this as your final warning before taking the step yourself.

But is there an early warning sign to help you see trust gaps in a relationship?

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A Compatibility and Trust assessment seeks to help partners identify cultural fit (and trust gaps) across five dimensions:

1. Focus is the ability to combine individual roles into a corporate direction to benefit all stakeholders. There is a common purpose and direction and clarity around that direction.

2. Communication is the efficient and effective transfer of meaning through words and actions to achieve and grow mutually beneficial outcomes. It includes open and timely sharing of relevant information to a partner’s decision-making ability.

3. Team Orientation is the ability to focus and direct individual goals and objectives into a cohesive group strategy. Team orientation is a key indicator of how well trading partners work together.

4. Innovation is an organization’s ability to dynamically deal with change and its tolerance for risk and trying out new ideas and solutions. Strong and trusting relationships allow the parties to share risks and rewards, invest in each other’s capabilities and embrace continuous improvement and transformation efforts.

5. Trust is the consistency of performing to promise and meeting commitments. Without performance, trust cannot exist. Think of the CaT assessment as a DNA footprint of two organizations with the goal to identify how much overlap there is between the partner’s inherent DNA across each of the five dimensions. The assessment offers a chance to gauge cultural fit and choose “best friends” in a clear and empowering way.

There is a massive difference between “good” and “typical” relationships with partners. One early warning sign of trust gaps is the words we use to describe our partner.

Think of your cherished and respected partners, and words like “Collaborative” and “Trustworthy” might come to mind. A more demanding partner, one whose emails or calls make your blood pressure rise, might bring up words like “Frustrating” and “Difficult.”

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Take a study of buyer-supplier relationships in the energy industry. Buying companies were asked to pick a “good” relationship and a “typical” relationship. Good relationships used mostly positive adjectives (85%) such as Aligned, Collaborative and Trustworthy to describe their relationship. But when team members were describing “typical” relationships, they used positive words much less frequently, only 63% of the time. Instead, they used words like Frustrating, Restrictive and Distant. And, in 9% of cases, people in these typical relationships used really negative words such as Difficult, Strained and even Dysfunctional.

It’s far too easy for partners to find themselves misaligned and the trust gap to widen.

One reason for the misalignment is the illusory superiority bias. The phenomenon is also commonly referred to as the “above-average effect” because typically well over fifty percent of respondents in surveys rate themselves above average in the perception of their own behaviors. For example, one study showed 93% of Americans rate themselves as above average for driving skills. Of course, that is statistically impossible.

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Trust isn’t an endless chocolate fondue tower that will cover all of our relationships in sweet goodness. Rather it is something that takes time and attention to purposefully foster.

So before you take a step, be sure to mind the trust gap.

When collaborating with a partner, it helps to be on the same page.

It helps to be compatible.

Compatibility—often referred to as cultural fit—means the degree to which partners are aligned on philosophy, values, decision-making, communication patterns and behaviors. Cultural fit does not mean “sameness,” but rather avoiding incompatibilities that can create conflict from incongruent philosophies. It means taking similar approaches, maintaining similar values, and operating in a similar manner.

A good representation of compatibility is the TV show “Friends,” which centered around six young adults finding their way: Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey. The characters grew together over 10 seasons and 236 episodes, sharing a depiction of true friendship that would carry each other through relationships, marriages, children, jobs, moves, life experiences, fertility struggles, tragedy and triumph. As the show’s iconic theme song goes, I’ll be there for you.

While idealistic, “Friends” remains a beacon of hope for the potential of friendships and highlights the importance of not just finding your best friends, but growing and evolving and maturing together—bringing out the best in one another.

Strong cultural fit might seem like a lucky occurrence, but it often isn’t lucky at all. Instead, as was the case with the “Friends” cast, it’s a reflection of a strategic, thoughtful process of aligning partners to succeed together.

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Ahead of the show’s debut in 1994, the casting director received hundreds of glossy black-and-white photos for each role and about 75 actors read for each part.

For the role of Chandler, the show’s creators liked the witty, self-deprecating actor Matthew Perry. But he was already signed up for another show, “LAX 2194,” about baggage handlers at the airport of the future. Since Perry wasn’t available, “the producers wanted to go with Craig Bierko,” according to casting director Lori Openden. Bierko was offered the part but passed, which was a sigh of relief for the producers. And when “LAX 2194” was destined to bomb, the show had its Chandler.

Courteney Cox—the biggest name of the bunch due to her stint in Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” music video and turn on “Family Ties”—was considered to play Rachel. But Cox wanted to play Monica instead. She wound up getting the part over Nancy McKeon, who’d been a star on “The Facts of Life.”

For the character of macho Joey, Matt LeBlanc quickly became a favorite. Before his audition, he was practicing lines with another actor, who suggested that since the show was all about a group of friends, “we should go out tonight and get drunk, as though we were friends,” LeBlanc recalled. He did—and wound up falling down and skinning his nose. LeBlanc showed up for his audition with a scab on his face. But there was something funny and warm about him.

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The producers and NBC had a tough time casting for Rachel, a character who was pampered and spoiled. With the wrong actress, Rachel could easily come across as unlikable. The actress needed to be someone the audience could relate to. Jami Gertz was offered the part but turned it down. Jennifer Aniston—who’d struggled to land a breakout role with other projects—was a favorite, but she was already committed to a show, “Muddling Through,” that was airing on CBS. NBC wanted her. As a result, the network aired Danielle Steel movies opposite “Muddling Through” to undermine its female viewership. With “Muddling Through” fading away, NBC had its Rachel.

Lisa Kudrow was already a known commodity due to her role on NBC’s “Mad About You,” and she had experience auditioning, too. She played quirky. The show needed quirky. It was an easy choice to cast her as Phoebe.

The producers liked David Schwimmer, who had auditioned for a previous pilot they’d developed. But the actor was burned out from TV. He wanted to stick to theater. His agent talked to him about Friends. So did famed TV director James Burrows, who would direct the show’s pilot. Schwimmer decided to have a meeting. Soon enough, the show had its Ross.

After all of the headshots and auditions and negotiations, the show finally had its six. But still, every element needed to fall right into place in order for the show to succeed. The ensemble show would require all of the characters to connect and uplift each other. They needed to have real chemistry.

What if one of the cast members decided they should make more money or get more screen time than the other actors? What if one of the cast members isolated themselves from the rest of the group?

“If any one of those people had been different, what would the show be? It’s a totally different show,” co-creator David Crane said in an interview about the show’s success.

The care taken with finding the right cast, and the actors’ strong compatibility, was evident the first time they performed together. As they rehearsed at the coffee shop stage (Central Perk), the actors could tell there was something special brewing. “You could feel it,” Schwimmer said. “There was something really special about the six different voices and the energy of the six of us. There are six pieces of a puzzle that happen to click just right because of casting and because of the particular energy of the six people.”1

Through the right process, six became one. Their friendship looked so real on the screen because it actually was.

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It’s inspiring to look up at the sky and see a flock of birds flying together in a V formation.

The arrangement reflects not only the power of group dynamics and sticking together, but also the efficiency of the group.

The way the birds arrange themselves isn’t a mistake, it’s by design. Flying in a V formation allows the trailing birds to maximize the boost from the air flow and in turn, expend about 20% less energy than if they were flying alone.1

Each bird rides the uplift of the bird ahead to reduce drag and save energy. When the lead bird tires, it drops back and another takes point.

They go farther together because they rely on one another.

For us, the process of working together isn’t innate and automatic like it is for the birds. We have to work at it.

Think about getting assigned a big project at work with someone you don’t get along with. You have to find a way to set aside your differences and work together, right? Or consider the relationships in your life that aren’t as strong as you want them to be.

Your relationships, instead of frustrating you or holding you back, have the potential to help you soar higher and farther than you could have ever imagined.

You just have to fly alongside the right partners and use the right system for flying together.

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